Monday, March 8, 2010
Teething is awful!
First off, I can't believe Coraline is already 5 months old! Where did the time go? Second, she's been teething for about 2 weeks now and it's been rough. Poor thing is constantly irritable and wakeful at night. We were finally enjoying her sleeping through the night and now we're back to square one again. She sobs her heart out at night when the pain is the worst and sometimes clenches her mouth shut which is frustrating because I can't give her Baby Orajel or tylenol until she opens up. It's heart-breaking to watch her suffer. I know it's only temporary and she'll get through it just fine but it's hard on me and Chris when all we want to do is make her feel better. So far, the result of so much pain has been the emergence of two, sharp, little, bottom teeth.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Confessions: Loss of a Pregnancy
There is something so surreal about the loss of a pregnancy. People, well-meaning people that have not been through it cannot comprehend though they try. They may say things like, “well it’s good that you didn’t have time to get too attached” or “don’t worry you can try again.” As, if you never had the chance to become attached to the little miracle inside you. And, of course you can “try again” but it doesn’t make up for the fact that there was a little life in you that you’ll never get to know. Never meet. And, you ache at the thought that you’ll never meet them. It hurts. There’s no way around it.
I remember thinking, how surreal it was to be sitting on the doctor’s cold table as the doctor’s words “possible miscarriage” echoed in my head. I was numb. But, I kept foolishly clinging to hope. I don’t know why. If nothing progressed in the following weeks then we’d know it was real.
I remember the hollowness, emptiness that followed as the next visit only confirmed my fears.
I remember my body refusing to give up the pregnancy as if my brain just couldn’t convince my body that the baby was gone…let go. So, they had to perform a D&C in the doctor’s office.
I remember thinking, how surreal it was to watch my own tears falling in slow motion, beautiful little drops splashing onto the cold, sterile, linoleum floor of the doctor’s office after it was all done. The nurses cleaning the table. My head in my hands. Empty, hollow, broken. So many words and none of them truly describe the feelings you have after it happens.
Even if it’s only for a day, you become attached to this person, this miracle inside you. Others think that because you couldn’t see it, then the pain will subside more easily because it was never really there, right?!
The only way I can describe it is like ‘faith’ as ludicrous as that sounds. Being pregnant is like faith itself, in its full embodiment. You can’t see the spiritual deity that you have faith in but you know it’s there. You have faith, which allows you to feel it move through, in and around you. It is the same from the very moment you learn you are pregnant. You cannot see the blessing inside you but you know it’s there. You feel it through other ways, especially during the early months. And, the joy of knowing it and the hope that one day you will meet it, sustains you through the aches, and pains, and trial of pregnancy and labor.
And, to have that hope ripped away leaves a void like nothing you can describe. To lose your faith - that emptiness, confusion, anger, pain, and immense grief- is the only thing I can find akin to such a moment. For those many women who have experienced this, my heart goes out to you. For those women who never have, I pray you never do.
---
This originally was written as a means to help with healing after the miscarriage of what would have been our first child. It was never meant to be made public but friends encouraged me to post it in the hope that many other women who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth might find solace or comfort in reading it and knowing that there are several of us out there that understand and empathize.
I remember thinking, how surreal it was to be sitting on the doctor’s cold table as the doctor’s words “possible miscarriage” echoed in my head. I was numb. But, I kept foolishly clinging to hope. I don’t know why. If nothing progressed in the following weeks then we’d know it was real.
I remember the hollowness, emptiness that followed as the next visit only confirmed my fears.
I remember my body refusing to give up the pregnancy as if my brain just couldn’t convince my body that the baby was gone…let go. So, they had to perform a D&C in the doctor’s office.
I remember thinking, how surreal it was to watch my own tears falling in slow motion, beautiful little drops splashing onto the cold, sterile, linoleum floor of the doctor’s office after it was all done. The nurses cleaning the table. My head in my hands. Empty, hollow, broken. So many words and none of them truly describe the feelings you have after it happens.
Even if it’s only for a day, you become attached to this person, this miracle inside you. Others think that because you couldn’t see it, then the pain will subside more easily because it was never really there, right?!
The only way I can describe it is like ‘faith’ as ludicrous as that sounds. Being pregnant is like faith itself, in its full embodiment. You can’t see the spiritual deity that you have faith in but you know it’s there. You have faith, which allows you to feel it move through, in and around you. It is the same from the very moment you learn you are pregnant. You cannot see the blessing inside you but you know it’s there. You feel it through other ways, especially during the early months. And, the joy of knowing it and the hope that one day you will meet it, sustains you through the aches, and pains, and trial of pregnancy and labor.
And, to have that hope ripped away leaves a void like nothing you can describe. To lose your faith - that emptiness, confusion, anger, pain, and immense grief- is the only thing I can find akin to such a moment. For those many women who have experienced this, my heart goes out to you. For those women who never have, I pray you never do.
---
This originally was written as a means to help with healing after the miscarriage of what would have been our first child. It was never meant to be made public but friends encouraged me to post it in the hope that many other women who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth might find solace or comfort in reading it and knowing that there are several of us out there that understand and empathize.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Our first major outings
Chris and I were invited to a wedding only two weeks after Coraline was born. Needless to say, she was a big hit at the party.
Next, we decided Coraline should get to pick her first pumpkin for Halloween from the Pumpkin Patch.
More cute photos
Nana's (Chris's mom) hand is caught in this photo. hehe. Coraline looks like she's trying to rock an imaginary microphone. That's my little rockstar!
New Arrival!!!
She's FINALLY arrived. I know, I'm late in writing this by two weeks. Yes, Coraline Vyara Laycock was born October 9th, 2009 at 5:04 am. She was 7lbs. 8oz. and 21 inches long. She's cute as a button and we love her very much.
It was a very long and difficult labor. I had been dealing with prodromal labor (constant contractions that stop and start) for a few days leading up to the big day. So, I was exhausted by the time they admitted me to the hospital. We were in labor for 36 hours before having to have an emergency c-section. not fun.
I'm recuperating and have been blessed to have so many wonderful family members helping Chris and I to deal with household chores while we recover and enjoy time with our new baby.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Final Countdown!
We just had our 38 week prenatal visit and the verdict is.... (drumroll) we've dilated 1-2 cm and are progressing through what is called, 'latent labor' which means the earliest phase of labor which can take anywhere from mere hours to days or even weeks before reaching 4cm in dilation and consistent, rhythmic contractions which is when we head to the birthing center. Aargh! So yes, we're progressing but it feels like forever. I've definitely been feeling the contractions (of course, a milder version). I've had to take two sick days from work as I dealt with the cramping, backaches and exhaustion. Today was a better day. I actually got 5 hours of sleep last night...the most in weeks! YAY! So, after the doctor's appointment I headed to work to get some hours in and take my mind off of baby business for a bit. Thankfully, the exhaustion isn't as bad today but the cramping and backaches have been continual all day long. Unfortunately, they're just not getting their act together and becoming consistent. Wish us luck. It could be anyday now!
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